For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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