I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I AM VODKA MAN
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
