Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
