How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
