well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
