Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
