how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
