Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
