i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
