He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
