I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
