I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
