I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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