call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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