my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
