Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
