Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
