Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
