How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How naked do you want me to be?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
