Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
