you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
