this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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