look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
