i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
