I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
