i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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