Apparently you make a good broom.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
