My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
