My room smells like vodka and shame
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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