God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
