I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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