i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
