I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
