my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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