Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
