could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
