we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
