I'm lost and stupid without you.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
