elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
