My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
