More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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