no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
