You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
