Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
