I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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