it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
