You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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