I love black thongs
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
