He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
