You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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