apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
