Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
