At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
